The Truth About Adulting: Prime Days Edition

 Let’s talk about Prime Days. Do you remember the days when you were old enough to understand sales and money, but too young to have any money of your own? You always thought that, once you did have money, you’d make sure you hit up all the great sales and buy yourself everything you always wanted. You’d stock up on things you needed. You’d make the most of it. Then, you became an adult with money.

    Every year, I look forward to Prime Days. I convince myself that I’m going to buy all of the cool things that I’ve saved on my Wish List over the year, if they go on a Prime or lightning deal. I check Amazon religiously throughout the two days, determined not to miss a single deal. And every year, what I actually end up with becomes nerdier and more boring.

    Let’s take this year for example. I made an entire separate Wish List full of things I was going to buy. I was going to be cool. I was going to save money. I was going to stay on budget. I would work out everything that went on Prime deal, figure out what fit in my budget, decide what to buy, and purchase lightning deals accordingly. This is what I actually bought.

    - Probiotics for my dog
    - A waterproof blanket for my dog, who has seizures
    - Two different kinds of dog treats for my dogs, because one is allergic to chicken and the other loves it.
    - Corgi seat belt covers, because my seat belt digs into my neck and wants me dead.
    - An unnaturally large bottle of shampoo.
    - The Summer I Turned Pretty Trilogy by Jenny Han
    - The Rural Diaries by Hilarie Burton Morgan
    - Pre-ordered Dinner For Vampires by Bethany Joy Lenz (Yes, One Tree Hill is my favorite show. Why do you ask?)
    - 5 pounds of cat treats.

    Five pounds of cat treats. 5.

    You might have been with me up until that last one. I am over thirty-five and the cat signal has gone out that I am single and like cats. In my defense, if I have any at all, one pound of those treats is for my aunt’s cats. She has twelve, which is more than I have.

    All of the adults are reading this list going, “uh huh. Makes sense.” Especially all of the pet parents out there. So this post is for the kids. If you think that one day you’re going to be a super cool adult who gets Prime and uses Prime Days to order all of the cool things, let this be a lesson to you. You, too, can be as cool as me. (Which isn’t very cool at all.) Sorry.